Text of the Traveler's Prayer - The Prayer for a Safe Journey
יְהִי רָצוֹן מִלְפָנֶיךָ יְ-יָ אֱ-לֹהֵינוּ וֵא-לֹהֵי אֲבוֹתֵינוּ. שֶׁתּוֹלִיכֵנוּ לְשָׁלוֹם. וְתַצְעִידֵנוּ לְשָׁלוֹם. וְתַדְרִיכֵנוּ לְשָׁלוֹם. וְתִסְמְכֵנוּ לְשָׁלוֹם. וְתַגִּיעֵנוּ לִמְחוֹז חֶפְצֵנוּ לְחַיִּים וּלְשִׂמְחָה וּלְשָׁלוֹם. (ואם דעתו לחזור מיד אומר: וְתַחֲזִירֵנוּ לְשָׁלוֹם). וְתַצִילֵנוּ מִכַּף כָּל-אוֹיֵב וְאוֹרֵב וְלִסְטִים וְחַיּוֹת רָעוֹת בַּדֶּרֶך. וּמִכָּל פֻּרְעָנִיּוֹת הַמִּתְרַגְּשׁוֹת וּבָאוֹת לָעוֹלָם. וְתִשְׁלַח בְּרָכָה בְּכָל מַעֲשֵׂה יָדֵינוּ. וְתִתְּנֵנִיּ (בל' יחיד) לְחֵן וּלְחֶסֶד וּלְרַחֲמִים בְּעֵינֶיךָ וּבְעֵינֵי כָל רוֹאֵינוּ. וְתִגְמְלֵנוּ חֲסָדִים טוֹבִים. וְתִשְׁמַע קוֹל תְּפִלָּתֵינוּ. כִּי אַתָּה שׁוֹמֵעַ תְּפִלַת כָּל פֶּה: בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְ-יָ שׁוֹמֵעַ תְּפִלָה:
Translation:
May it be Your will, G‑d, our G‑d and the G‑d of our fathers, that You should lead us in peace and direct our steps in peace, and guide us in peace, and support us in peace, and cause us to reach our destination in life, joy, and peace (If one intends to return immediately, one adds: and return us in peace). Save us from every enemy and ambush, from robbers and wild beasts on the trip, and from all kinds of punishments that rage and come to the world. May You confer blessing upon the work of our hands and grant me grace, kindness, and mercy in Your eyes and in the eyes of all who see us, and bestow upon us abundant kindness and hearken to the voice of our prayer, for You hear the prayers of all. Blessed are You G‑d, who hearkens to prayer.
Transliteration:
Yehi ratzon milefanecha Ado-nai Eloh-einu veilohei avoseinu shetolicheinu leshalom vesatzideinu leshalom vesadricheinu leshalom vesismecheinu leshalom vesagi’einu limechoz cheftzeinu lechaim ulesimchah uleshalom (If he intends to return immediately, he adds: vesachazireinu leshalom) vesatzileinu mikaf kol oyeiv ve’oreiv velistim vechayos ra’os baderech umikol puraniyos hamisragshos uva’os le’olam vesishlach berachah bechol ma’aseh yadeinu vesitneini lechein ulechesed ulerachamim be’einecha uveinei chol ro’einu vesigmeleinu chasadim tovim vesishma kol tefilaseinu ki Atah shomei’ah tefilas kol peh. Baruch Atah Ado-nai shomei’ah tefilah.
Jewish Humor in the Air
NASA had sent many shuttles into space to orbit the earth and made an attempt to include passengers of all races and creeds. They suddenly realized that they had excluded the clergy, so they invited a priest, a rabbi and a minister to orbit the earth in a shuttle. Upon their return, crowds of people formed to hear their impressions.
First the priest emerged, beaming and happy, his statement full of joy. He said, "It was totally amazing, I saw the sun rise and set, I saw the seas. It was beautiful."
Then the minister came out, also happy and seemingly at peace. He said, "I saw the magnificent earth, our home, I saw the majestic sun. I'm truly in awe."
Then the rabbi appeared. He was completely disheveled, his beard tangled flowing in every direction, his kippah was frayed, his tallit was wrinkled, like you can't imagine. They asked him, "Rabbi, did you enjoy the flight?"
He threw his hands up in the air crazily and replied, "ENJOY??? What was to enjoy?? Every five minutes the sun was rising and setting! On with the tefillin, off with tefillin, shachris, mincha, ma'ariv, shacris, mincha, ma'ariv!... GEVALT!!!!"