An Italian, a Frenchman And a Jew Arrive in Heaven
An Italian, a Frenchman and a Jew arrive in Heaven and each is judged. The angel escorts the Frenchman to his heavenly reward. They enter a beautifully arranged banqueting hall with all the foods that a French connoisseur could dream of.
The Frenchman turns to the angel and says, "This can't be mine. There must be some mistake. I was immoral most of my life and I was hardly G‑d fearing."
The angel replies, "There is no mistake. These delicacies are yours but there is a catch. Every day at 5:00 pm they will bring in a large pot of soup that is boiling hot. You will be immersed in it. If you can take the pain you can partake of the banquet."
"Sorry" said the Frenchman "I just could not tolerate the pain."
The Italian, too, is taken to his reward a similar banquet with pasta and all the best Italian food you can wish for on Rosh Hashanah.
Again a similar dialogue takes place, the Italian admitting to a life of financial fraud and corruption. "This can't be mine. There must be some mistake.”
He too is advised that at 5:00pm each day he will be immersed in a boiling hot pot of minestrone soup and he again states that the pain would be too much to bear. It’s just not worth it.
Finally the Jew is taken to his eternal rewards. They enter a beautifully arranged banqueting hall with all the foods that a Jew can only dream of... Chopped liver, kugel, gefilte fish, sweet herring, salty herring, kishke, cholent, sushi, beef lo mein, and of course, the most beloved food for Jewish men – tofu and soy beans.
He too cannot believe his luck.
"This can't be mine. There must be some mistake. I never went to Shul, I never did anything Jewish… How can this be mine?"
Again the same response: "5:00 pm each day, you will be immersed into boiling hot chicken soup with kneidalach. If you can take the pain the banquet is yours."
"Fine", said Yankel, "I'll take it".
The angel is stunned. “The Frenchman and Italian have declined the offer; what makes you different?"
Yenkel responds: "What should I tell you? I know Jewish functions all too well. 5:00 is not 5:00 and the soup is never that hot."