Rabbi Anchelle Perl Director of Chabad of Mineola
'Jewish Ethical Will' Saved Cremation
Over the many years of Shlichus on Long Island we have developed a way to helping individuals and family’s approach ‘end of life decisions’ when it came to bequeathing ones values.
The Torah concludes with a mitzvah related to writing: The last of the 613 commandments legislates that every Jew should write a Torah scroll. How fitting, then, that one of the final major acts of one’s life is to leave behind a little “Torah” written especially for the family.
While people are familiar with the concept of writing a “last will and testament” as a means of distributing ones accumulated assets to loved ones and favorite charities, so many wonderful individuals whose pintele yid was awakened, were reaching out to us seeking ways to “bequeath spiritual values” in the same way that a will of inheritance provides.
The typical will, has one focus: the disposition of the dead person’s assets. This final document most parents bequeath their children contains no advice or life lessons, or anything to say about their love of Yiddishkeit or a parent’s hopes about the kind of lives his or her children will live. It’s all about gashmius/materialism and no ruchnios/spirituality!
So we advise writing a Tza’va’a Ruchni- a Jewish Ethical Will.
Unlike wills of inheritance which divide things, the Jewish ethical will is a way to share; your values, beliefs, hopes for the future, life’s lessons, stories, love and forgiveness with your family and community.
Writing an ethical will places our lives in the broader context of continuity; a linkage from past to future generations.
By documenting the values that are important to us, we can focus on them, and, at the same time, clarify our belief system for our families.
There are many reasons to write an ethical will.
It’s easier to write a will of inheritance and a living will (Advance Directives) when you know what principles are important to you. It can be a spiritual experience that provides a sense of completion in our lives.
When you write an ethical will, you learn a lot about yourself, it is a way to affirm the past and be positive about the future.
It allows for putting your personal “signature” on what Torah values mean to you. It opens the door to forgiving others and being forgiven, which heals relationships. It helps coming to terms with our mortality.
One person made sure to leave clear instructions in a Jewish Ethical Will to be buried according to Jewish law in the ground, overcoming a cremation that had become a standard in their family.
You don’t have to be a scholar or a professional writer to prepare an ethical will.
To help get started on what can otherwise turn into a daunting task we provide the following outlines to organize the Jewish ethical will.
1. How to organize the ethical will
a) Opening: I write this to you, my_____in order to_____________
b) The family:
c) My parents, siblings, were…are…
d) Events which helped shape my life…
e) Religious observances, insights:
f) The ritual(s) of most meaning to me…
g) Specific teachings from Jewish sources that most move me…
h) Ethical ideals and practices:
i) Ideals that found expression in my life…
j) I would like to suggest to you the following…
k) Closing:
l) My ardent wishes for you…
m) May the Almighty…
2. State by writing about the important events, passions and insights of your life. For example.
a. The formative events in my life…
b. The people who influenced me most…
c. The people in our family and the causes for which I would like you to feel a sense of responsibility…
d. The mistakes that I most regret having made in my life and that I hope you will not repeat…
e. The important lessons that I have learned in my life…
f. I would like to ask your forgiveness for…and I forgive you for…
g. I want you to know how much I love you and how grateful I am to you for…
3. Personalize and strengthen the links with shared family memories, personal anecdotes, and favorite sayings.
4. Write the will on acid-free paper
5. Decide whether you want to present the will while you are still alive, as a legacy after you die----or share it with you family while you’re alive, then leave it as part of your estate.
6. Attach the ethical will as a codicil to your will concerning property. Also, if you realize that there remains unfinished business between you and your children, now is the time to make an effort to resolve the issues and make peace,
Some final considerations: Never allow your ethical will to degenerate into an attempt to control your family from the grave, and make sure to omit sentiments that can leave a child with a permanent sense of hurt. The goal of an ethical will is to impart a sense of what matters to you and what you hope will matter to your children, not to leave the people you most love feeling guilty.
Jewish Ethical wills are typically associated with someone’s final days. The truth is even for those of us not thinking of death as being near at hand, by writing an ethical will we can step back and reflect on what we stand for and what we value most in our lives. It can provide us with the opportunity to plan our lives with living our values as a goal.
The Previous Lubavitcher Rebbe Leaves a Jewish Ethical Will
At a farbrengen marking the 22nd anniversary of the Previous Lubavitcher Rebbe’s passing, the Rebbe affirmed that: “we must know that we live in a precious world!” The Rebbe drew an awesome lesson from the fact the Previous Rebbe chose the discourse Basi Legani (I come into My Garden) as his last discourse. The Rebbe explained that this discourse was in many ways the Previous Rebbe’s spiritual last will and testament for us all.